Tryst with teenage - Part 2

Before I start with the discussion, I would like to rewind myself 4 yrs back, the time I entered teenage with all worldly desires. I would like to look back at my own thoughts, how I perceived things then and how different are my perceptions today. What was my affinity to soft-porn and porno stuff ? Did I ever watch porn ? What influence peers had on me ? Whether my teenage was lived to the fullest ? How do I see myself as I leave the teenage world ? If ever I experienced eroticism ? If ever I experienced aestheticism ? How did I differentiate then ? Lots of questions remain unanswered. After answering and analyzing all these, I’ll draw conclusions. This topic certainly needs much time to jump to the right conclusions.

All written here is straight from my heart. People who get hurt when things are told blunt shall keep away and not read this part. Those willing to read with an open mind shall go ahead.

I remember, it was an April afternoon and as I was about to doze off, entered my cousin (5 yrs elder to me). I was upstairs and the rest of the family downstairs. He entered, switched on the TV and told me to tune in to FTV. This was, if I’m right, 8 years back when I was in class 8. I had no idea what it was and kept changing channels and once that channel was on, he enthusiastically told me ’An interesting channel da this one’. I was not-so-much bothered. He watched for a while and then left. When I think of his enthusiastic dialogue now, I guess he had told just to ensure, I get convinced that FTV was just like any other channel. After a few days, on a boring summer evening, I was reminded of this channel and switched it on. The show on air was ‘LINGERIE’. Maybe that was the time when I reached puberty and no wonder my eyes began looking to my left and right rather than straight at the TV. I made sure I was ready to change the channel if at all my parents give a sudden entry and my thumb impression was inscribed on the ‘NEXT PROGRAM’ button. I was so smart that I used to flick 2 channels so that even if my parents press the ‘PREVIOUS CHANNEL’ button, I would be safe. Hee...hee. I was clever, rather cunning. This continued for hardly a few weeks and I put a full stop to this practice to avoid seeing myself  in a mess. This was my first experience with eroticism. 

If FTV was what enthused boys at their early teens, it is pornography that rattles the hormones of all guys when they enter high school. That's the time when the testosterones are desperate for hyper-action. My experience with porno dates to that one and only day at my friend’s place when I watched Angelina Jolie’s sex scene in the film ‘Original Sin’. I had a horrendous time that evening as I pedaled my way back home from his place. A guilty feeling pervaded my heart and I felt, it was a SIN that I had committed. Never after that did I watch porno. The guilty feeling apart, I also found nothing enjoyable (unlike my friends) to be honest and the motion / activity on screen was disturbing. That was the only day I watched porno and till date, I’ve never visited a porn site. Even today I see most of my friends hooked on to porno and they’re addicted so much. I request if any of you guys reading this write-up could actually share with me your first feel at watching porno. I’m an exception here because I didn’t like it. It’s strange or rather I’m curious to know what actually describes that feeling best and this is where I'm pushed to believe in Pantheism and above all, in the omnipotence of God. I'm unable to justify this connection with God but my instinct drives me to relate them. As for peer influence on me, I’m glad to say, none of my friends forced me to give them company in watching such stuffs and even if they were to, I’m sure I wouldn’t have backtracked. I’m a person strong in my principles and do only things I feel is right for me.

Read the previous sentence again. There’s this peculiar me wherein I feel something is not wrong but when it comes to me doing it, I’m hesitant. Yes!!!! To me, watching porno or arousal of erotic feelings is not bad but somehow I’m not convinced to get myself involved. The reason is, the moment the very thought of watching porno strikes, my heart gets fenced with guilt and fear. It’s an instant feeling and I’m unable to act against my heart. It’s not mandatory that one should watch porno but watching it is no wrong in my opinion. It's part and parcel of everyone's life and one should get to know these things. Though I was averted to watching porn I made sure, I was aware of all porno terms. Guys are sometimes, looked at with contempt if they behave too naive and I agree, it's essential one doesn't see himself a stranger to the land of eroticism.

As I had stated in the previous post, there’s that thin, impenetrable blurring line separating aestheticism and eroticism. As far as I’m concerned, it depends from one person to another. Let me cite one example, the Tamil film Billa (2007) had a scene wherein the heroine Nayanthara , in most people's opinion, scorched the screen with a two-piece bikini and went gaga over it. But to me, neither aesthetic nor erotic feelings were aroused. The reasons for which, I don’t want to disclose and make this space more erotic with my descriptions. While the same Nayanthara in the film Vallavan succeeded in MISSION EROTICISM & AESTHETICISM. One example of eroticism is the song Jaadhu Hai Nasha (Jism). I know you're reminded of  the video... No, here, I refer to Shreya Ghoshal's rendering of that song. Wow!!! that was stunning. She sung at her SEDUCTIVE BEST. The best example I could cite for aestheticism would be a Rani Mukherjee or a Meg Ryan. It’s more of the skin that makes one get erotic. And that’s why I guess, a Namitha has huge fan following down south. I’m sorry to say, I just can’t watch her for more than a second and I still wonder how people watch her. And if there’re two ladies whose pictures I can watch on and on, it would be Meg Ryan and Shreya Ghoshal. The very look at their faces spell beauty. Meg Ryan is like wow!!!. Her cute smile with her eyes blossoming with sparkle really makes me go crazy and You've Got Mail (1998) showcased her beauty at its best. My not getting exposed to too much of their skin is, I believe, the only reason which make them arouse in me, the aesthetic feelings alone.

Eroticism, in my opinion is just like any other feeling which elevates a person to the next level of excitement. It’s a feeling to be respected and if there’s anyone trying to show that in poor light, my reply is ‘I’m sorry boss, you’ve got it all wrong’ I would like readers to answer this…What makes parents prevent their children from watching porno? Or rather why boys hide or shy away from parents while watching porno? Is the latter a result of the former? My question might look stupid to a few, but just give a serious thought about it and post your comments. It should end up an interesting discussion. Looking forward..

As I acknowledge my exit from the realms of teenage, I leave a happy man. I enjoyed, knew where my limits lied and stayed well within them (was never austere though). Thank God !!! I never got caught by parents for all wrong reasons unlike many of my friends who have witnessed all miseries. :)

This write-up demanded quite AN INTROSPECTION...must say

Next is my 25th post...time for SILVER JUBILEE celebrations and I dedicate it to all my readers and fellow blogger pals. Watch out for something really interesting. I owe you people, much and would like to extend my thanks well in advance. Thanks a lot !!!!

Tryst with teenage - Part 1

‘What film is this? You’re watching with so much curiosity?’ my mom questioned. It was a Sunday evening and after a long time, I was watching TV non-stop for more than an hour. Categorically, it was a Tamil film that kept me glued and this was what made my mom throw at me, such a question. ‘Maa…the movie is really good…an adventurous-thriller’ I exclaimed. I switched on the TV around 4 in the evening after a cup of coffee and that was when the movie commenced. It unfolded with two youth driving on a Highway and as the car was stopped to make them attend nature’s call, a person (identity concealed) from behind the camera kills both of them with an axe. ‘Huh!!!!! What movie is this???’ I exclaimed to myself. Sun TV replied immediately with a flash, ‘A Film by Arvind’. Yeah…a Tamil film with an English title. That was fashionable a few years back. As it unfolded, every scene had something watchable. An adventurous journey from Chennai to a wooden house in the interior locales of Andhra Pradesh and the hunt for a psycho-killer formed the crux of it. An hour and a half passed when my mom entered the hall. I was glued to the TV set and my mom from behind, was watching the same and cleaning the shelf side by side. Minutes later followed an intimate scene between the lead pair, my reaction to which made me ponder over and finally pushed me to pen down this write-up. Mona Chopra (now Sherlyn Chopra) was dressed in a sleeveless top and mini-skirt whilst the male lead, (a new comer, unsure of his name) bare-bodied was clad in a jean. Mona was enjoying her rub over his chest and he was fondling her lips. They came closer and the space between them, I would say, was almost vacuum-packed. A smooch was expected in next to no time and as the lips were about to get locked, as expected in Tamil films, they moved away from each other and a coyly smile adorned their faces.

When this scene was in progress, I was unmoved and watched it just like any other scene, very much MINDFUL of the fact that my mom was just behind. I profess, the moment I saw Mona entering his room, and from her seductive stance, I got a feeling if such a scene would take place. There was a latent thought which made me wonder if I should change the channel considering the fact that my mom was watching too, but then, I exclaimed ‘Why should I ?’ And I felt, shifting channels may only leave my mom in bewilderment when I get back to the same channel after a while. Also, even if I change, I would be desperate to know if that scene had drawn curtains. This would definitely make me take a glimpse of a few clips of that particlular scene. Hence I didn’t find the need and carried on. All these thoughts flashed and I drew conclusions in a matter of nanoseconds, or atleast microseconds. On this note, I would like to add, my mom seldom accompanied me to a cinema and hence, I’ve never watched such intimate scenes (not uncommon in Indian cinema these days) in her company. Even at home, we rarely watch TV together. Hence, this, I guess was the first instance. I didn’t take notice of this act of mine with so much importance then, but, that night, when I was about to hit the bed, I was reminded of this. I pondered over. Change of channel was the first thing I would have done, a few years back, and a blush with compunction painted all over my face would have followed it up. But I would have felt ashamed for no mistake I had done. That’s where, actors, performing such erotic scenes win over you and it takes time to get back to normal. On retrospection, I found both my reactions (the one I would have done a few years back and the one last Sunday evening) neither shocking nor surprising, but interesting and something to ponder. TESTOSTERONE PROPOSES I DISPOSE befitted both the reactions. Yeah...it was my control over the sex hormones that I guess, resulted in me taking control over the situation, react accordingly and thereby draw conclusions. Now you may wonder what conclusion I drew. Yeah I did!!! I felt, it was time to recognize my exit from the realms of teenage. 

As I pen down this piece, I’m aged 20 years and 188 days and affirmatively, I’m at the doorsteps of the teenage world and it's time to say goodbye to the teenage me. This acknowledgement has made me get into the process of figuring out where that thin, impenetrable blurred line is, separating the stimulation of erotic and aesthetic feelings. If I had made it ‘stimulation of erotic rather than aesthetic feelings’, it would have defined my process in a different and in a manner in which most people think. In the sense, it would have questioned the need for the arousal of erotic feelings and showed eroticism in poor light. Now, whether or not eroticism is a degrading word is not the discussion here (though I admit, it’s one of the topics I would like to think about, sometime later) but what exactly makes it replace aestheticism on most/few (the most/few here, differs from person to person) occasions. As far as my perception of the word eroticism is concerned, I would like to stay neutral as I feel, every feeling is to be respected and each has its own significance. 

Before I start with the discussion, I would like to rewind myself 4 yrs back when I entered teenage with all worldly desires. I would like to look back at my own thoughts, how I perceived things then and how different are my perceptions today. What was my affinity to soft-porn and porno stuff ? Did I ever watch porn ? What influence peers had on me ? Whether my teenage was lived to the fullest ? How do I see myself as I leave the teenage world ? If ever I experienced eroticism ? If ever I experienced aestheticism ? How did I differentiate then ? Lots of questions remain unanswered. After answering and analyzing all these, I’ll draw conclusions. This topic certainly needs much time to jump to right conclusions.

To be continued…..

Expectations.... !!!

‘224', my professor called. 'Absent Sir’ was my reply to the roll-call. That’s the last register number in my class and soon as he finished marking the attendance, I pulled out my mobile from the left pant pocket and the clock showed 1522 hrs. ‘Shit!!’ I exclaimed. The next electric train arrives at 1526 hrs. Before I could finish saying S-H-I-T, I was already at the stairs. I heard a scream ‘ Rajesh!! Wait…I’m coming’. I was in no mood to wait and I ran from my block to the station ( this is the only instance wherein one can see me run…to catch a train)….a 200m stretch and as I reached the gate, I could see the train entering the platform ( a few minutes ahead of scheduled arrival ). The foot-over bridge was completely out of my sight and I crossed the road, ran across the bushes, climbed over the platform, bustled towards the train and boarded the first-class compartment just before the train could depart.

Phew!!!! A relief !!. I looked around the compartment to see it almost empty. At one corner was an average-looking girl, a college-mate of mine. I wondered ‘How long shall I ogle ??? Huh !!! No point sitting here’. I called one of my friends and he said a group of five was in one of the general compartments. Huh !! I decided to travel alone by comforting myself with the mp3 player. As I unzipped my bag, the thought of having lost my earphones, this morning shook me. PANG !!. Only then, was I reminded of the presence of my mobile’s headset ( in one corner of my bag ). I took it out and connected it to my Nokia 6070 and turned on the FM radio. Ever since I bought the mp3 player, I turn snooty at the very thought of listening to radio on my mobile. Yeah !! Supercilious !!! But when things get worse, I ultimately have to get back to it just like this day. FM Radio, My Saviour !!!!

I discovered something during the journey and my discovery could be acknowledged by a few. Some may view it as a ‘Blown-out-of-proportion’ stuff while to most, it would appear déjà vu. Well… as many of you might know, I enjoy even the smallest things around me and the learning process is no different. It was, in my opinion, noteworthy and I’m glad to share it with you.

Coming back, I tuned in to Radio Mirchi first and it was Taxi Taxi. It is, these days, on the lips of every youth - a sensational number from the film Sakarakatti tuned by the Mozart of Madras A.R.Rahman. I listened to this number (one of my favorites), then, kept changing stations but never experienced boredom. Atleast one out of the nine FM stations played a favorite song of mine and on most occasions, it was two or three. Being a music addict, I was thoroughly enjoying myself and the likes of Karthik, Hariharan, S.P.B, Chinmayee and many more Tamil singers kept my ears glued to the headset. Half-an-hour passed and as I was changing stations, a thought dumbstruck me. After it's flash across my mind, I inferred what it takes to bridge the gap between EXPECTATIONS and FULFILMENT.

Had my companionship been with the mp3 player that evening, I wouldn’t have been that contented. This may not have been experienced by many but I’m the epitome of this quality. Now why is that ? If it had been my mp3 player, changing of songs is at my will but the same is not applicable while listening to FM radio and I got to accept with what the RJs and producers of the FM stations play. So, when that happens, I’ve no expectations and I’m contented with what is being played. If a favorite song of mine is played, I’m all the more happy. With an mp3 player around, I long for THE BEST and how many BEST songs, you think will suffice to fulfil my expectations ??? I'm greedy for THE BEST everytime and beyond a point, I listen to songs half-heartedly though it might be a favorite song of mine. But when the same song is being played on the FM stations, I look a contented man.

Now, that doesn’t stop me from listening to songs on my mp3 player henceforth. It's just that I’ve learnt to listen to all songs with pleasure. The osmosis inside, has made me reach the equilibrium necessary to transmit from a sense of desire to a sense of fulfilment.

No music - related write-up of mine is complete without a mention of Ms.Shreya Ghoshal. Well…all songs mentioned above / listened on radio that day were non - Shreya tracks. This nightingale, forever holds a special place in my heart and her songs are always THE BEST. . Latest of hers which is making me go overboard is Tere Ore (Singh is Kinng) and Ek Haseena (Karz). The latter deserves a special mention here. Though Shreya is not heard much with Himesh nasal-ling his way through, Shreya’s impact is wow!!!. That one line of hers ‘Roz Milne Lage’ (at 2.22 min) makes me touch the Himalayan heights of enthusiasm everytime I listen to it. Wow!!! What a singer!!!! Love you loads..also worth mentioning here is Shreya's latest Tamil song 'Oru vaarthai' from Poi Solla Porom...another amazing number and it's a fast-beat..do listen to it.

Well…something happy to share. I’ve received an award from Divya and it’s there below.

Yay! Blogging Friends Forever award came knocking at my blog : ) Thank you Divya and I’ m honoured!

Here are the rules for the Blogging Friends Forever Award:

1. The winner may put the logo on his/her blog.

2. Put a link to the person you received the award from.

3. Nominate 5 blogs.

4. Put links to the blogs.

5. Leave a message for your nominees.

THE AWARD! and now I nominte these people who i've met through the blogger... thank you for your support and encouragement too folks :)

1. Mona- One of my very good friends, benevolence personified. I’m a big fan of her poems and what not, a dentist-in-the making but above all, a friend I admire.

2. Enchanted Illusions- On her request, I've not mentioned her name. A good friend of mine, a CAT aspirant and even takes time off to read my older posts.

3. Jahnabi- She’s been here ever since I started blogging. A Critic and a good friend. Infact, she’s one of the few who rates my articles (mostly it’s 4 stars)

4. Still thinking- She has called my writings ‘eloquent introspections’ and been a regular visitor here, of late…thanks..

5. Shatabdi – My latest pal on blogger world. A chatter and she too, is a fan of Shreya Ghoshal.

P.S: If you have forgotten, above is an article wherein I had written about my experience during a train journey. Don’t forget to post comments relating to that. Scroll up and look to your right to vote in the polls. Please take time off : )

Time for Tags

Welll.....in the last few months, I’ve been tagged many times but didn’t do.…sorry for that… Now, I thought I must….was tagged by Divya last week, followed by Priya a couple of days back…Phew !!!….an hour back by Express….aaaaaaand Thank God Divya’s and Express’s were one and the same….I’m a relieved man…so all the 3 tags done at one stroke !!!! Yippeee!!! Yipee!!!

Divya’s Tag ( = Express )
The rules:
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!
After you've answered all of the questions, tag other people and then let them know they've been tagged to do the meme themselves.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Saiyaan (U Me Aur Hum)

WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
My Name is Billa (Billa 2007)…Wow!!! What a co-incidence…well I hate Ajit but a Rajni fan…wish it was Billa 1981… :D

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL ?
Marudhaani (Sakarakatti)…wow!!!! Great…great…just great… well…for non-tamilians Marudhaani is Mehandi…though I hate Mehandi…the answer was relevant…hee…hee

WHAT DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Raja Ko Rani Se (Akele Hum akele Tum)..well…No Rani for me..

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Anbe En Anbe( Dhaam Dhoom)…well for non-tamilians Anbe means Love/affection and En means My…Anbe En Anbe means My Love…my life’s purpose is not to fall in love…lollzzzz

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Teri Ore(Singh is Kinnng)…is it????..well…this song is my most favorite song these days…wow !!! What a song !!! Shreya….where are u??? I’ll fall at your feet… Her Highness Ms.Shreya Ghoshal !!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Ek Pal Ke Liye(Ankahee)…hee…hee…what am I to say???

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Pehla Nasha( Jo Jeeta….) Hee…heee

WHAT IS 2+2?
Sahana Saaral (Sivaji)...hee...heee...is it???

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Kabhi Kabhi Aditi Zindagi….lollzzz….sound nice na????

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Kahin To Hoga Hai (Again Jaane Tu)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Shape Of My Heart (BSB)….I’ve never fallen in love…so not the right answer but I’ve lot more years to live right???? so maybe…….heee…heee…

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
New York Nagaram (Sillunu Oru Kaadhal)…for non-tamilians Nagaram means City…well I would like to live at New York but not really keen on leaving India. Let's wait and watch !!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Tu Mera Hai (Ada-A Way of life)…wow!!! That was apt…hee…heee...infact this is one of my favorite songs...Sukhwinder Singh roccczzz...Chitra is wow!!!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Chale Chalo (Lagaan)…well kinda ok…or rather they motivate me…lollzzz

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Kal Ho Na Ho (OMG!!!!!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Jhoom Barabar Jhoom….hee…hee….just imagine ?!?!?! :) :)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Baatein Hawa Hai ( Thank God…a Shreya Ghoshal song…listening to her songs is my hobby/interest)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Mere Dholna(Bhool Bhulaiyya)…wow!!! Great…again a Shreya number…well…gotta ask the secret behind her singing talent…lollzzz

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Everybody (BSB)…well…hee…hee…Everybody is my friend…

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Jaati Hoon Main (Karan Arjun)…ha..hee..should I???

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS TAG?
Rani ( Haal-E-Dil)….this is one of Sonu’s best song…glad it ended up atleast as the last track….

Loved doing the tag..some answers were sorta interesting and funny…thanks for tagging me Divya and Express.
Express in her blog had called me a Shreya Ghoshal maniac and I’m glad (she must be glad too) to find many Shreya songs here….SHREYA!!!! U rock!!!!

Priya’s Tag

My oldest memory
I played cricket in my house with my cousins and neighbours on sunny summer afternoons….despite the mercury soaring at 42 degrees, I was so invovlved that I used to play on and on....hee..hee...that's ME

10 years ago
I was making fun of my middle school teachers…every teacher was given the same treatment and no respite whatsoever. Those were torrid times for my teachers (When I knew only laughter best substantiates)

My first thought today morning
I’ve to put in some effort and study for CAT (had promised one friend of mine last night that I’ll study sincerely today)...did I ??? Well... she is one among the many reading this post...lollzzzz... so ?!?!?!

My time capsule would contain
I don’t want anything mighty..I just want a life I’m contented with. Something that gives me happiness and peace

This year
I’m going to put in sincere efforts to BELL the CAT and do other B school exams well. Above all, grow in confidence as a person and leave behind myself all disturbing thoughts.

14 years from now
Want a satisfying job in the banking sector. Have enough bank balance and lead a happy life. .The best thing about the future is, I can quite confidently say " I will be happy " :D

A short and a simple tag…Thanks Priya…was lovely

I'm not tagging anybody. I'm kind enough to say that ' Those wish to, shall do it '...lolllzz.

Well…as you can see, I’ve gone in for a change in my blog layout. Changes are ineveitable in life and my blog layout is no different…I’m happy with this layout…do tell me if you like it….well changes ARE inevitable but my writing style remains the same, atleast for some time…hope this style is fine with you 

Realization

In my previous write-up, I had exclaimed ‘Happiness is best realised when one finds things once done, amusing’. Now, the point I’m trying to emphasize in this write-up is, ' What happens with Realization???'. Happiness may not be the only parameter. I’m describing Realization in general. What it can do to one etc etc… I’m just a 20 yr old guy and what I’m going to pen down may not exactly be true and what I write is just my opinion and what I’ve learnt from my own experiences. You may add what according to you is a better definition in the comments column.

Realization, in my opinion is a must for all at one point of time in life. Realization of one’s past incidents include the mistakes one indulged in, the arrogance that accompanied the conversations, things done with no inclination and lots more. If I confine the topic of realization to my own self, the highlighted statement was always part of mine. All these years, I had been a victim of this practice where I involved myself in activities towards which I had no inclination whatsoever. It's always commendable to aim for higher goals but what makes it achievable is the inclination attached with that desire to succeed. That was exactly what I lacked and ended up being in the middle of nowhere. Now, when one looks back at my past, it certainly defies logic when I say I'm focussed about my career. But after realization, the same can be told with confidence and authority. This is precisely what Realization can do to one. You get it ??? Realization can work wonders to people who think twice before acting upon things. Also, the timing of realization is very much important. The preceding statement could be contradicted saying ‘ It’s better late than never’ but I would like to refute ‘ It’s better early than late’. Which is early and when it is late depends on the situation and differs from person to person. Realization, if I can say, is a by-product of Introspection or rather analysis of all thoughts ( good / bad ) culminates into what is called Realization.

The positives of Realization are best acknowledged when enough time is given for oneself to analyse how exactly mistakes were done and how aversive was one to suggestions suggested then. One thing I’ve realised is, ‘When you achieve success, it’s described a multiple effort but when you have failed, you’re the only person to take the blame and there’s none around you to receive the baton of blame’. Mistakes are indeed, part and parcel of everyone’s life but life’s lived better with minimal number of mistakes. Mistakes, here, I don’t mean the blunders but the small things done in haste (with no second thoughts) which leave a lasting impression. To take a page out of my book, I realized lot many things in the recent past, how foolish I had been in giving undue importance to what everybody had got to say with no inclination on my part. Also I’ve realized the importance of patience, tolerance and benevolence - soft-skills make a person's outlook much better than his intelligence or qualification.

Now, realizing all my past incidents doesn’t make me a complete individual. It’s important how well I practise and try my best to not repeat the mistakes. I’m trying to re-invent myself as a responsible and a mature individual. The learning process has just begun but I’m sure it’ll continue forever.

P.S: I didn’t know what to post in my blog this week. Since these thoughts have been flashing across my mind for quite a while, I thought it won’t be a bad idea to just pen them down. Hope I didn’t bore you. Infact, this is the shortest write-up in my blog till date : )

A Walk To Remember

It was a pleasant Sunday evening and after practising a few RC passages (CAT beckons me), I felt the need to greet Lord Hanuman, residing just a few metres away from my house and it had been a long time since we met. I generally don’t visit temples wishing for things to happen because I believe, God understands my needs, recognizes my capabilities and bestows me with things I truly deserve. But when something really nice happens in life, I make it a point to thank Him in person for being with me and this visit was no different as He had blessed me with a lucrative offer from Tech Mahindra.

On leaving the temple, I embarked on a walk which today, I feel is the most cherished and best reminisced. Even before leaving home, I had decided to take a walk in my locality (one of the evergreen places in Chennai – Ashok Nagar) and so pocketed my mp3 player. Music freshen my thoughts, I imbibe in me the enthusiasm to enjoy brought back memories. If ever I could experience an indeterminate sense of joy erasing all worries troubling my mind and dispelling unwanted feelings stemming from my heart (at least for a while), this should be the first instance. As I start with the next paragraph, my finger nerves are ordered by the heart to key in the correct words to make sure no feeling is minced and my mind is instructed to make sure emotions are best expressed. This’s accomplished if I succeed in making you take a trip down your memory lane once you finish reading this write-up.

I left the temple, switched on my mp3 player, started off with Pehla Nasha (Jo Jeeta Woh Hi Sikander) and the walk began on a feel-good note. I walked a few metres and looked up to see a dark sky with no stars above me but as I looked down, I could visualize footsteps of a 7 year old boy carrying his violin on one hand and holding his cousin with the other hand. I halted for a while just hoping if I could listen to any conversation between them.You may wonder if that was hallucination ? Yes, I did hallucinate but I just hope I could re-live the past. That 7 yr old boy still lives in me and I love him more than anybody else because that child was me, 13 yrs back. Everytime I cross the temple, I breathe memories of the days I did no harm, got no anger, never bad-mouthed people and above all, was adorned by almost all in my family. As I think deeper, I’m reminded of the days when as a kid, I played cricket with my cousin and my neighbours on sunny afternoons outside the temple. But I’m best reminded of the evenings when I carried that stringed instrument cursing all Gods for having invented it. I was cajoled by my parents to attend violin classes but I detested complying with their cajolery at the expense of playing cricket.

As I proceeded a few more yards, to my right, I gazed at an old building with a board outside ‘St.Mary’s School’. That intent look touched my nostalgic nerve and I wondered if I could knock at the gate to meet the Big Miss ( The headmistress of this school is referred as ‘Big Miss’ and she resides just behind the school ). This was the first school I ever attended as a 3 yr old and I’m reminiscent of the days I attended school with no books but a snack box and a water-bottle shouldering me. I turned right and there, at the crossroads is the apartment where two of my friends live. When I think of them, I’m reminded of those sunny afternoons when we, as children, danced for the song 'Muqabula Muqabula' on the cycle rickshaw after one of those exams. As I leisurely walked a little further and looked up, I was unable to view the sky as I was sauntering on a road with trees on either side (those are rare sights in modern Chennai but that’s Ashok Nagar for you) and at that street beginning was the house where the then Principal of my school Mrs. Lakshmi Subramanian once lived. It brought back horrendous memories of days when my mom threatened to take me to her if I fail to eat green vegetables (even today, I hate green vegetables). As I passed by her house, I found my mom’s words only amusing and laughed at my innocence. The road that leads from her house, I would say, is one of the best stretches in Chennai and if I were given the task of naming roads, I would call it ‘The Joggers’ Paradise’. This stretch is semi-circular shaped and it's one of those few roads where one gets to breathe fresh oxygen 24X7 and seldom disturbed by jarring horns of vehicles - Tranquility at its best. I ambled a little further to find the office of my local Cable TV operator. One of the happiest moments in my childhood was when my dad gave the nod for a cable TV connection at home. If I’m right, it was the summer of 1998 when I went through those anxious moments - seconds took minutes to pass and minutes looked hours. I pedalled my way from home to that office atleast 10-15 times that day just to make sure the connection was done at the earliest.

As I finished walking the semi-circular stretch, I entered one of Chennai’s well-maintained broader roads, the 11th Avenue Road .This best exemplifies the term ‘arterial road’ and despite the continous buzz of vehicular traffic, pedestrians are given enough space to walk and one doesn’t find sand gushing onto the face. And there situated is the Madras Corporation Library. One look at it, I rewind myself ten years back when my friend and I were barred from entering just because we were wearing shorts despite the fact that we were just 10 yrs old. Direct opposite to that library is a narrow street housing many apartments and one of them is ‘Gokul Flats’ where my childhood friend once lived. Incidents there, best substantiate my childhood innocence and exuberance. That was the apartment outside which I played cricket in the evenings and the flat A-1 was where I played video games with a 4th standard social text book beside me. In the name of joint study, I used to go to my friend's place and play video games till my eyes got weary of the rays being emitted from that 12’ TV set. It was also that apartment terrace where we once studied computer science together only to fail miserably in a class test. It was such a nice feeling to think of those days and just one look at that apartment sufficed for those thoughts to flash across my mind. I was so much moved on retrospection. Yes !!! Those were fun-filled days.

As I came back home, I felt Happiness is best realised when one finds things once done, amusing. Also I felt something had dented my heart and got a feeling of having dropped something very precious on the way. I exclaimed to myself ‘How about continuing with the walk for another half-hour atleast ?’ - To regain the lost possession

What I missed, was the happiness I had acquired during the walk. Although past incidents are sure to remain etched in my memory, they’re best felt and acknowledged when I actually take a walk and revisit. It's indeed a special feeling when trees on Joggers' Paradise smile at me by a flutter of their branches everytime I pass by. It was certainly A Walk To Remember.

Is my task accomplished ? Did I succeed in making you take a trip down your memory lane ?

Destiny's Child

It was a Monday forenoon class in college just before the lunch break and my mind was in a state of delirium. Anxiety and confusion filled my mind. It was the Engineering Economics hour and as always, I cared a damn for that poor guy who was screaming at the top of his voice, trying his best to make us understand GDP. I was working on my career prospects - the options avalable, things I’m interested in, things I’m good at, and what not ? I was desperate for something good to happen in my life. To be very frank, I just can’t think of one thing I’ve achieved in life. In my opinion, an achievement is done when one succeeds in something he/she had aspired for. That’s one, but if someone, unlike me, is more interested in pleasing others, then achievement to him is something he has succeeded in, which pleases the rest of the world but not him. On both occasions, accolades pour in but from different quarters.

Now, after reading the first paragraph, you may wonder in what way this is related to the title ‘Destiny’s Child’. I’ll establish the relationship in the paragraphs to come. At the end, I would like you to share your opinion on two things.

1. Have I achieved something ? If so, which of the above two statements define my achievement best ?
2. Am I Destiny’s Child ?

Coming back, it was the 4th hour on Monday when I was wondering whether or not to appear for the recruitment scheduled for the next day. For readers who don’t know my educational qualification, I’m doing final year Mechanical Engineering at SRM University, Chennai. Being a Mechanical Engineer, working in a software company certainly defied logic in my opinion and hence, a few weeks back, I showed no interest in applying for IT biggies like TCS, CTS, i-Flex etc. Also, I was unhappy with the mass recruitment being done year after year and it certainly discredited the very process of recruitment. I felt, being one among a few recruited would better prove my credentials. My disinterest towards IT companies can also be attributed to the fact that I showed the least interest in C language and programming never interested me. All these days, I had been a frog in the well knowing only an M.Tech in Industrial Engineering as a career option. I failed to analyse other options available, my interests and things I was good at. This made me look at the manufacturing sector companies alone for recruitment and even though I detested the work culture there, I forced myself to apply only for those. So superficial and crude was my thinking till the dusk of August 4th 2008. My thought process dawned at dusk and I decided to sit for placements. Majority of my friends opined that I had a very good chance of getting recruited but my basic intention was to get a feel of an HR interview and I wanted it to be a test of my confidence level and communication skills. Later in the evening, I rushed to the nearest browsing center, took print-outs of my RESUME and was all charged up.

After many years, I gave due respect to my timepiece’s alarm bell and got up at sharp 5.30. For the first time in 20 yrs, I dressed up in formals with a maroon striped shirt and a black pant. I looked at the mirror and exclaimed to myself ‘You do look good dude!! : ) ‘. I reached college on time to attend the pre-placement talk of India's sixth largest software exporter Tech Mahindra Pvt. Ltd. As many as 400 + students attended the ppt and I came to know from my placement co-ordinator that they were not going to recruit more than 30 or at the max 50. After looking at the crowd that had gathered I felt it would be really good if I made it to the final interview. The .ppt presentation was impressive and equally impressive was the company's growth over the years. Being a first timer at pre-placement talks, it was a fascinating spectacle to see the gorgeous interiors at their workplaces - totally CHILLAX. After the half-hour presentation, we moved to the computer labs to take the online test. We had to answer 100 questions in one hour with questions of an average dificulty level and I found the ones in the logical reasoning section very interesting. I answered 86 questions successfully and was quite confident of making to the Technical Interview round ( hoping there were no upper cut-offs ) and I did. To my surprise, the interview session started immediately and I was the fourth candidate. The interviewer, a middle-aged person, was impressed with my English fluency and confidence level that I made it to the HR interview directly with no need for a second technical interview. The final announcement of selected candidates came as late as 2000 hrs and I was one among the 29 students recruited.

Accolades poured in from family members, friends and especially from those in my department as I was one among the six Mechanical Engineers recruited. Unlike others who heaved a sigh of relief having seeked a decent job, I was unmoved. Even in the wildest of my dreams, I didn't expect myself to work for an IT company and applying for Tech M was something unexpected 36 hrs back. A few of my friends jumped with joy after the final announcement and even after coming back home; some called me and were full of emotions as it meant so much to them. Am I sounding puffed-up with these recruitments looking an ordinary affair ? No. The truth, I’ve discovered is, all these years I had been a guy with no ambitions, a guy who failed to give a thought about his future, a guy who failed to recognise the skills in him, a guy who blindly followed what people, he respects, had to say, and a guy who was not driven by his thoughts and aspirations. On instances when I complied with what others had to say with no real interest on my part, things ended up on a miserable note - there have been quite a few examples in the past. It took me two hours that night to actually realise that I had done something commendable.

To be very frank, the decision to apply for Tech Mahindra was instinctive and something I feel, was destined to happen. Now I've decided to work at Tech M if I goof-up my CAT and other B school exams this year. Also I've realised the need for flexiblility and hence, I'm game to learning C programming with interest if the situation demands. With a job on hand, I'm able to look at better options ahead and it has certainly exuded the confidence in me to move ahead in life with a positive frame of mind. I'm bubbling with optimism and really looking forward to an exciting life ahead. I’m very firm in doing only things that interest me because I’m sure I’ll give my best and work to my potential to achieve the same. I feel, being more passionate about things one is good at, is a permanent ticket to success. Hence, I've turned a solitary thinker (in the last 1 month ) working on ways to develop my character and shape my attitude in the right direction.

Scroll up. Read the first paragraph again and post your comments if you feel I’ve achieved something and if so, does my achievement support the definitions? All these years, things have just fallen in place and I had been a guy with no real aspirations or dreams. I had been Destiny’s child.