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Saturday, January 10, 2009

Resoluteness of Resolutions - Part 2

The moment I questioned myself if I was a good human-being, I pondered over the occasional short-tempered nature of mine. Yes! I’ve made a resolution that I wouldn’t lose my temper unnecessarily. Some readers may find it cliché but it’s a tough challenge and demands resoluteness of the highest order from my side. One may wonder whether a resoluteness of such high order is actually required. Well…such a thing is required for my character. Am I frightening you??? No! That’s not the intention. I’m just being very honest.

I’ve always pondered over the reasons that ignite that wildness in me and wondered if I do get paranoid at times. One thing I’ve realized, over the years is, in an attempt to win over someone by losing temper, we end up losing to our heart. Losing to my heart is something that has disturbed me, time and again. Despite the anger or the existing paranoia, if any, there’s that benevolent person living in one corner of every heart. And when that person, residing in my heart, responds to the wake up call, I start to repent for the misdeeds done. I have experienced this quite a few times in the past and the toughest thing for me is to prove my mind right against my heart and I guess that applies to many too. 

The best place to witness my short-tempered nature is on a cricket field. When a miss field happens off my bowling and especially when I’m in the middle of a good spell, I get wild. The wake up call to that benevolent man in me is not far away and he gets up just when I take the run up to bowl the next delivery. I ask to myself ‘Why did I lose temper? It was just one extra run’. That does sound perfect but it’s really tough to control myself at that instant when the fielder miss fields a straight forward chance. This was just one example and there’ve been many occasions. To be honest, I’ve shouted at my mom many a times and I most regret for the same. Sometimes, it’s the impatience to listen to her that calls for the anger/irritation. I wouldn’t use the term ‘ego’ because, there’s no need for such a thing between a son and his mom. But as I said, it’s just the lack of patience in me to wait for her to finish and before that, I would just shout and leave the place. A moment later, I would get back to her ‘What were you trying to say?’ and occasionally, when she questions the need for the impatience then, I would feel really, really guilty.

In my previous post, I had mentioned that the resoluteness shown by me was pretty decent and I still feel, it was not too bad an attempt though I did begin to lose temper occasionally. There was this class re-union we had planned on 2nd Jan and I was speaking with a couple of my schoolmates about the same. There was no co-operation from many and the attitude of a few really started to enrage me. I showed resolve and tried my best to not yell over the phone. But beyond a point, I felt, it started to get artificial and I just couldn't be my own self. In the sense, I feel I’m myself only when I put down my anger and let the other man know that I’m an expert at foul language :). Whatever! The main reason behind making such a resolution was just to make sure, my social inclinations remain as sound as it is, today. To be honest, I’m one of those few in my circle of friends who makes it a point to stay in touch with childhood friends. It’s not about storing contact numbers in the mobile, forwarding text messages, wishing friends on festival days etc. It’s about keeping the bond intact and sharing good comfort levels.

I fear, if this occasional short-tempered nature might just come in the way of future relationships. As we get older, we start to build self-esteem and want people to respect us. My losing temper unnecessarily may just balloon and pose to be an unwanted threat. So, I found the need for this small change in my attitude and thereby called for more patience to set things right for the better. I’ve come across books suggesting people to take a deep breath while they get angry and I can also remember a few 'so-called' Godmen telling people to count from 1 to 10 while they get angry. To be very frank, or if I confine to myself, it’s too tough to count numbers at a time when I'm enraged at something. Taking a deep breath really helps because, when we actually get angry, the heart starts to beat faster and that deep breath brings us back to normal and also gives that additional time TO WAKE UP THAT BENEVOLENT PERSON in oneself :)

This is a resolution I’ve taken from my heart and since it’s tough for me to work against my heart, I’m optimistic of the RESOLUTENESS OF THE RESOLUTION. I hope to continue with the same resolve and shall strive to become as patient as possible.

20 comments:

Leo said...

hey rajesh,
same pinch bro though my temper usually flares on the soccer pitch, when a dummy defender fails to clear the ball and i have to rescue it before the striker scores.

with my mom, its like who loses temper more nicely... competition!! :D

when i feel i am losing my temper, i just tighten my fingers into a fist, and just scream it out silently. maybe difficult to do sometimes. but its worth a shot i guess.
good resolution, and good that u intend to keep it too.

take care!

Mahita said...

Hmmm... quite a resolution! Wish you luck with that!! :)...

"It’s about keeping the bond intact and sharing good comfort levels."... Appreciate the thought... And hope that the bonds get stronger and healthier as years pass by... :)

pisku said...

If you haven't yet, read Daniel Goleman's 'Emotional intelligence'. Its not gyan book, more a research thesis.
all yes, all the best for your resolution

Sureshkannan said...

Good resolution, As a friend I wanted say this.. Dont count me on otherside by this comment :)... Sometime you need to pose an anger or something because you know its not your fault. if you are trying solve problem in more of otherway, it wont work. Your friends circle grows and everyone getting a feed from Gens,environment,media.etc.so you shouldn't show anger to people who might not have done anything wrong. When you are bowling, as you commit yourself totally and fielder also should have committed fully. But, error happens, for that you no need take extreme anger like taking him away from current position and giving to someone until reasonable chances are given to him...To put things simple, something in the world works by showing anger but anger is not good for ourself. As long as you are not showing anger for everything and not laughing at all in a day, means you need something to be done. Otherwise, dont worry much. Just keep moving forward. You will learn different things.. Whatever happens, happens for something.. We cant go back and correct... but, we should let it happen again by not acting for that..(ignorance)... Be cool...Sometime you will get anger. After all, everyone here is human.. I hope you dont want to be a god or animal eitherway.. Strike a balance in everything..by the way, me too short tempered. :)... Today, i showed great anger to my friend in front of many other friends. But, he did a mistake (my mistake also there, he thought i have given full freedom.. We have to have boundaries in having fun.because we having fun; doesn't mean that others should suffer)... Take it easy.. and good luck..

Amrita said...

hmmmm the realisation itself is half the battle won.. keep up the resoluteness :)

Rajesh said...

@Leo
Yeah man...for me its cricket and 4 u it seems 2 b football..well.. u compete wit ur mom is it??? hee..hee.. I appreciate ur honest admit of things :-)

Rajesh said...

@Mahita
Oh!!! Thanks Mahita...I've always believed in that...Yeah hope 2 b continue with the same resolve

Rajesh said...

@Pisku
Yeah I've read it...a nice book..well U read this write-up or not??? :)

Rajesh said...

@Suresh
Well...that was another write-up :) :)...never thot u wud have made it a point to read this piece jus coz I mentioned abt that sentence on orkut...Thanks 4 dropping by..

U were very practical in ur comments..yeah I accept wat u say...and u have delved in to this topic deeper... :)

Rajesh said...

@Amrita
Realization is half won is it??? Well...nice to hear that its half won.. :)

ANWESA said...

read both parts at 1 go.yes,almost all of us need 2 work on our temper.i'll try n control it.i'll think its precious n shudn't b let out freely.maybe dis trik works 4 uders too,

Rajesh said...

@Anwesa
Oh!!! Thanks

SMRITI said...

I think everyone of us goes through bouts of impatience and ill-temper at some point or the other. I used to be like that earlier...and I am that way sometimes now too, though very rarely. Dont ask me how the change occurred but I seriously Dont know. I think over a period of time, it was self realisation that this isnt a way to live life, getting upset over trivial things. I hope your resolution is a long lasting one :)

Cheers!! :)

Rajesh said...

@Smriti
Oh!! Thanks...I agree, self-realization is very much important...totally agree on that...

swati said...

hey u look so serious about ur resolution..n good to see that ur wrking towards it..
wat i feel is being short temprd is one's nature..one can control it to a crtain limit bt nt completely..ur tmpr overpowers ur emotions smetimes..so dnt take it as smething vry unusual..bt if u can then always see to it..tat othrz are nt hurt badly coz of ur tmpr..

Mithe said...

Hey! good resolution-do keep up the good work:)

Rajesh said...

@Swati
Yeah...exactly...what I meant was the unnecessary lose of temper. When the situations demands to me to get angry, I really GET WILD :) :)

Rajesh said...

@Mithe
Oh!! Thanks a lot..

Tara said...

Hey! A great resolution there! Most of us need to work on our temper. I have my own little way of controlling temper (I am not a very short-tempered person). Every Tuesday, I try to be perfect, the perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect friend, and believe me, IT HELPS!! And I can see the marked difference...try it, it sure will work for you too! :)

Rajesh said...

@Tara
Hey..its actually nice 2 c u make it a point to be PERFECT on Tuesday....good...one can start like this, and continue with such a thing for say 1 more day...make it 2 days a week and if we shall continue and we shall get better n better with time..

Nice...let me implement it too...thanks 4 sharing ur thoughts on this..

Glad 2 have u back..!!!!