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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Tryst with teenage - Part 1

‘What film is this? You’re watching with so much curiosity?’ my mom questioned. It was a Sunday evening and after a long time, I was watching TV non-stop for more than an hour. Categorically, it was a Tamil film that kept me glued and this was what made my mom throw at me, such a question. ‘Maa…the movie is really good…an adventurous-thriller’ I exclaimed. I switched on the TV around 4 in the evening after a cup of coffee and that was when the movie commenced. It unfolded with two youth driving on a Highway and as the car was stopped to make them attend nature’s call, a person (identity concealed) from behind the camera kills both of them with an axe. ‘Huh!!!!! What movie is this???’ I exclaimed to myself. Sun TV replied immediately with a flash, ‘A Film by Arvind’. Yeah…a Tamil film with an English title. That was fashionable a few years back. As it unfolded, every scene had something watchable. An adventurous journey from Chennai to a wooden house in the interior locales of Andhra Pradesh and the hunt for a psycho-killer formed the crux of it. An hour and a half passed when my mom entered the hall. I was glued to the TV set and my mom from behind, was watching the same and cleaning the shelf side by side. Minutes later followed an intimate scene between the lead pair, my reaction to which made me ponder over and finally pushed me to pen down this write-up. Mona Chopra (now Sherlyn Chopra) was dressed in a sleeveless top and mini-skirt whilst the male lead, (a new comer, unsure of his name) bare-bodied was clad in a jean. Mona was enjoying her rub over his chest and he was fondling her lips. They came closer and the space between them, I would say, was almost vacuum-packed. A smooch was expected in next to no time and as the lips were about to get locked, as expected in Tamil films, they moved away from each other and a coyly smile adorned their faces.

When this scene was in progress, I was unmoved and watched it just like any other scene, very much MINDFUL of the fact that my mom was just behind. I profess, the moment I saw Mona entering his room, and from her seductive stance, I got a feeling if such a scene would take place. There was a latent thought which made me wonder if I should change the channel considering the fact that my mom was watching too, but then, I exclaimed ‘Why should I ?’ And I felt, shifting channels may only leave my mom in bewilderment when I get back to the same channel after a while. Also, even if I change, I would be desperate to know if that scene had drawn curtains. This would definitely make me take a glimpse of a few clips of that particlular scene. Hence I didn’t find the need and carried on. All these thoughts flashed and I drew conclusions in a matter of nanoseconds, or atleast microseconds. On this note, I would like to add, my mom seldom accompanied me to a cinema and hence, I’ve never watched such intimate scenes (not uncommon in Indian cinema these days) in her company. Even at home, we rarely watch TV together. Hence, this, I guess was the first instance. I didn’t take notice of this act of mine with so much importance then, but, that night, when I was about to hit the bed, I was reminded of this. I pondered over. Change of channel was the first thing I would have done, a few years back, and a blush with compunction painted all over my face would have followed it up. But I would have felt ashamed for no mistake I had done. That’s where, actors, performing such erotic scenes win over you and it takes time to get back to normal. On retrospection, I found both my reactions (the one I would have done a few years back and the one last Sunday evening) neither shocking nor surprising, but interesting and something to ponder. TESTOSTERONE PROPOSES I DISPOSE befitted both the reactions. Yeah...it was my control over the sex hormones that I guess, resulted in me taking control over the situation, react accordingly and thereby draw conclusions. Now you may wonder what conclusion I drew. Yeah I did!!! I felt, it was time to recognize my exit from the realms of teenage. 

As I pen down this piece, I’m aged 20 years and 188 days and affirmatively, I’m at the doorsteps of the teenage world and it's time to say goodbye to the teenage me. This acknowledgement has made me get into the process of figuring out where that thin, impenetrable blurred line is, separating the stimulation of erotic and aesthetic feelings. If I had made it ‘stimulation of erotic rather than aesthetic feelings’, it would have defined my process in a different and in a manner in which most people think. In the sense, it would have questioned the need for the arousal of erotic feelings and showed eroticism in poor light. Now, whether or not eroticism is a degrading word is not the discussion here (though I admit, it’s one of the topics I would like to think about, sometime later) but what exactly makes it replace aestheticism on most/few (the most/few here, differs from person to person) occasions. As far as my perception of the word eroticism is concerned, I would like to stay neutral as I feel, every feeling is to be respected and each has its own significance. 

Before I start with the discussion, I would like to rewind myself 4 yrs back when I entered teenage with all worldly desires. I would like to look back at my own thoughts, how I perceived things then and how different are my perceptions today. What was my affinity to soft-porn and porno stuff ? Did I ever watch porn ? What influence peers had on me ? Whether my teenage was lived to the fullest ? How do I see myself as I leave the teenage world ? If ever I experienced eroticism ? If ever I experienced aestheticism ? How did I differentiate then ? Lots of questions remain unanswered. After answering and analyzing all these, I’ll draw conclusions. This topic certainly needs much time to jump to right conclusions.

To be continued…..

51 comments:

Express said...

ah! gr8 hr8 gr8 read!

testosterone proposes, I dispose, :-P :-P :-P LOL!!

neway, just a few things..
1. wht ppl do in such a situation completely depends on the rapport they share with their parents. so, maybe wht u did ws right 4 u..4 me, changing channel wud b a far safer option :-D

2. teenage acc 2 me is like the most hyped concept. I left the teenage in certain matters when I was 17. and in some other matters I shall love 2 remain a teenager like, forvever :-)
so? mature , learn, all good. Just in the race of growing up, don't lose the kid in you :-)

baki toh erotic scene ka description was just too good :-D

but then u knw u r a good writer, wht new did I say?
:-P

*waiting for the other half*

everything burns... said...

will wait for the next part before i post a comment...
ps: m sure u hv watched porn... lol...

Rajesh said...

@Express
Thanks a lot...u liked my description of that scene...hee..hee...lolzzz

@Everything burns
Well....its better one doesn't jump to conclusions....if it's on the lighter side, that's fine....and I wud certainly like to get ur comment on this write-up too...

d gypsy! said...

hmm waiting fr the next part..

Still thinking said...

Tell you what, don't think too much about all this - just go with the flow in life and make the most of your experiences.

And I'm glad you did not switch channels - as we grow we should take our parents as our friends.

'TESTOSTERONE PROPOSES I DISPOSE' - honesty, I like it :)

P.S: I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts on eroticism, it's a big word and coming from a 20 year old, I really wanna read what you think :)

Rajesh said...

@Still thinking
I dint get ur first 2 parts sorry....cud u elaborate? and yeah...Testosterone proposes...... hee..hee... I liked it too..

Well...as for my take on eroticism, well u gotta kindly w8 for some time....here i'm jus gonna talk abt my teenage and what in my opinion, makes eroticism replace aestheticism on some occasions...I'll definitely write on eroticism some time soon...

Aaaaaand...may I know how old u r ? :)

enchanted illusionz said...

ws interstin to read , but r u srsly contemplatin on ur metamorphosis. as still thnkin said , i guess its better 2 go wit de flow , rather tan dissectin every lil tot u hv had ..

bwtn u hav de brilliant weblog award waitin 4 u ...plz come take it

Trinaa said...

hmmmmm...

Amrita said...

this post makes me think of ur sun sign :)
u can make a mountain of a molehill :P
jus kidding :D
well i somehow feel teenage or no teenage... the idea of watchin intimate scenes with parents is a tad unnerving in the indian context.... but parents know and they understand.. i guess ur mom wud nt have made a big deal if u wud hav flicked channels and then returned to it again.... but it was jus ur guilty conscience which made u feel she might judge ur actions :D

Divya said...

whoa!! someone's become a deeeeeep thinker!
continue continue.. will read!

Me Mini Mini Mouse said...

NICE

so whns the nxt update?

Still thinking said...

Did you just commit a cardinal sin? Oh yes you did! you just asked for my age, you don't ask a lady that dear :p

Hmmmmm, keep reading my blog and you'll definitely know where I'm heading :)

Shruti said...

hmmm...I CANNOT watch any intimate scenes in movies...I just cannot..its not that I am uncomfortable watching them in front of my parents..but simply..I cannot watch them...
But yeah, as teenagers, we tend to get aroused by steamy scenes...ur correct that we should respect every feeling of ours...
So be it with eroticism..nothing wrong with that...

Nice read...actually interesting...
very interesting..mom caught me grinning many a times while reading some of ur phrases..
:D

durgashankar said...

finally u ve opened up a lil an started contemplating sum serious issues....am glad

now,its widely regarded tht the sexual instinct is an extremely strong one,2nd only 2 the instinct of self-preservation...so havin erotic feelings an watchin porn is defnetly not a sin/crime,though indian society is against it(atleast they like 2 b seen tht way)

u did fine by not switchin d channel...we r 22 yr olds with all the physical an mental attributes of an adult..even an orthodox indian mom will ve 2 cum 2 terms with tht...

an fer al those who say soft-porn/hard-porn/eroticism/revealin clothes is'nt acceptable...u get my finger as response...

post the 2nd part an msg me...

Rajesh said...

@Enchanted
Dissection of every lil thot I've is very much important and analyzing them is important for me...it jus helps u grow as an individual and makes u identify the changes in u....now 1 part i wanna concentrate is, An Introspection of my teenage (which is to be read in my following post) and just to acknowledge my exit frm the teenage world in terms of my attitude to certain things in life...

Rajesh said...

@Amrita
If I can say, U have got it all wrong...here I meant to project the change in my perceptions of such scenes....now I don feel anything wrong in watching as I feel,its part n parcel of life....and hence I dint flick channels...

Rajesh said...

@Divya
I've always been a deep thinker... :)

@Mee Mini
Sometime next week :)

Rajesh said...

@Still Thinking..
just read ur first comment...I said I dint understand the first 2 paragraphs...kindly elaborate on that..

Aaand....as for my asking ur age, well....I've heard ppl say that one shudn't ask a woman's age...well..I find it silly...its jus that I wud lik 2 know as a blogging friend..

Well...If u feel, its is n't silly, then u owe me a proper reason as to y men shudn't ask a woman's age..

Rajesh said...

@Shruti..
Well...I guess u r 18 now...read this same post of mine after 3 yrs...ur comment MAY be smthing different..

And when did ur mom read my blogs??

Rajesh said...

@Durga
I totally agree with whatever...India today, is not the India 20 yrs ago...Electronic and the Internet, in particular has drastically brought abt a change in our culture...whether its alarming or smthing to welcome...m not commenting here....but as u said, its part n parcel of any man...

Yeah...and for ur part abt its acceptance...I wud say its for the individual to judge and one can definitely not force... here I'm reminded of Saint Mahavir's saying LIVE AND LET LIVE...let ppl live the way they want...

Fantasies of a Lifetime said...

hmmm , I don't even know if I change channels when an intimate scene comes . . .Although , I do get a little too annoyed with the 'erotic' scenes

I feel like i was a teen long long long ago . ..this post makes me feel old. . .boo hooo. . .

Rajesh said...

@Fantasies
There's some comment on the lighter side...well...yeah...maybe...u r a lil tooo OLD :)

Prashant Sree said...

On your decision not to change channel, it does show signs of maturity, yet i assume that it could have left your mom with some sleepless thoughts.(Provided if she is conservative).

We are still conservative in a lot of things and Parents tend to think/care on what their childrens do. I wont say that its a bad thing,as it is a good thing to have some control exerted by our parents during our initial years of childhood.,. As we grow up, its up to us, how we take it.,.

I appreciate the thought of yours being neutral about 'erotism'. Its a part of our desires and being respectful towards it, is indeed a signs of maturity... ;)

Rajesh said...

@Prashant
Well said...we both seem to think on the same lines...m glad!!!

Ayushi said...

I agree in every measure with Prashant :)
Addingly, I say that it has nothing to do with age, it is to do with understanding the things around us and settling in harmony with them.
Its when our mind truly breaks away from the stereotypes that we start doing what our mind says rather than the society's diktats

Gr8 topic and it was good of you to think on this topic

Rajesh said...

@Ayushi
Yeah...fine...but understand, U mature with age...ok...fine...i do agree that it is also abt ur perceptions, but then i feel age certainly does matter to an extent,

Yup...it's a good topic n m glad that u have welcomed it :)

Ayushi said...

oh yes Rajesh, you are right.
In most cases age does matter, because there is a general understanding related with time, but there are too many exceptions to let it stay a generalisation anymore. I mean look at some kidos of 15 talking 'big things' :D...I believe this conservative society itself has lead to this. Thats why I said it did not matter :)

Rajesh said...

@Ayushi
Yeah...well...I said perceptions..and jus c the way we have interpreted one thing-the AGE factor...u r right too...ur point that children at 15 talking BIG things...yeah well said...life has changed and especially India...

I thot this topic won be welcomed by many...but I do find quite a few like u interested...glad!!!! I think, this is a pretty good topic 2 discuss...esp for ppl in the age group 18-25

lukkydivz said...

i watched that movie in telugu :P was scary but i loved it :)

i dont remember those intimate scenes though ;)

i hate watching movies or for that matter TV when my parents are around...maybe a part of growing up ;)

Rajesh said...

@Luckydivvzz
Hee...hee...thats strange and interesting???? U never watch TV when parents are around is it??? I just wonder why is it so everytime!!! :)

mona said...

hmm.. teenage to adulthood... its a big step wid so many changes.. i love d transition.. though m still goin thru it... but its fascinating how u start lookin at things differently... teenage is a fun time n also one of d most difficult times in one's life.. well written post rajesh... waitin to kno more abt ur teenage... keep writing...

Preethi said...

very interesting.. and what amazes me is that I have probably been in situations like this a lot of times.. but have never given so much thought to it.. I dont know if it has to do with age, testosterone or your relationship with your mom? I think it just has to do with the moment!! Our reactions differ from one moment to the next depending on a lot of external factors.. one of which is probably growing up!!

Rajesh said...

@Mona
Yeah...we're going thru a transition...but teenage life fun and at the same time difficult is it???

Anyways...will let u know more abt ma teenage in my next post

Rajesh said...

@Preethi
Yeah...u r right...also depends on the mindset of the person at that point of time...its a good topic 4 discussion...m getting a lot of feedback...age is also one factor in my opinion...but a lot depends on the individual

MAN IN PAINTING said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rajesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MAN IN PAINTING said...

These days form the building blocks of your creative self.You are selecting very good topics and writing very original essays.The first thing to note in your post is the sincere approach you have selected.I liked your expressions, definitely the "testosterone"thing
One simple suggestion is that at some areas you can be little bit more analyatical, with more references..Why I suggest this is just because you are becoming a very serious writer with very good writing skills..
read more..
wishes to you buddy..
MIP

Rajesh said...

@MIP
Well...MIP...thanks for acknowledging the fact that I'm selecting serious topics...glad!! yeah...Reading more will definitely help...and I'm taking ur words seriously...keep coming...thanks for dropping by

ani said...

well it reminded me off the intial days when i was watching friends with my mom.. and this was when i was in school.. n my mom was like.. hnnm rite is this what u r watching.. but then she didnt mind it.. she was open about it.. like yes there r ppl who openly show there emotions n wht not.. lol

hehe best was watching TITANIC.. lol.. am sure if ppl went for that movie with family must have got red cheeks when leonadro n kate were makin out in the car.. or him sketchin her out.. lol..

oh well .. rest of the comments after ur next post..
hope u had a nice weekend.

Rajesh said...

@Ani
Was just wondering what happened to u coz its been a while since u dropped in...glad u cud find time to read this b4 the next post..

Well..yeah..TITANIC was...yeah..esp the scene when he sketches...yeah I remember..

ani said...

hehe sorry da..

just got a bit tied up because of onam n stuff.. so just got back to the blogging circle today..

hehe so cant wait for the next one..
am just wondering how ppl took to watching the movie murder.. with its record number of kissing scences n all that.. lol..
food for thought lol

Rajesh said...

@Ani
Well...the one I mentioned here is not MURDER...its a telugu film i guess...dubbed to tamil...its titled 'A Film by Arvind'...and the scene was just one of the very few.. it was actually a thriller movie

ani said...

i know what u mean..

i was just trying to give u another situation.. about this whole thing.. but i guess its still a bit awkward to view such things with parents or elderly ppl around.. but then.. thts part of life.. all this emotions..

Rajesh said...

@Ani
Well...i dint find it that way this time...I know I'm matured enuf and there was no guilty feeling...after all, as u rightly said,its part and parcel of HUMAN Life...

ani said...

well to put it more bluntly..

hehe thats how we have come to this world right.. lol.. sorryy if ppl find it very blunt or straightforward.. but thats the truth..

Rajesh said...

@Ani
yup...that was spot on...well said..

ani said...

hehe thank u..

just hope its not offensive for others.. but well thats the truth..

Rajesh said...

@Ani
Nothing offending.. TRUTH ALONE TRIUMPHS... Satyameva Jayathe :) :)

ani said...

hehe ok ok.. so waiting for u r next one.. hehe am off now.. catch u later.. byee take care

Usha Pisharody said...

Very very interesting topic; more than the theme/ topic of being, and growing out of the teenage years, lol, its way the perceptions you shared that caught my fancy. Of the way relationships at home work, the young ones with parents, especially while watching things together on TV. Interesting too, that you should reflect on how it probably would have been a few years back, and how "controlled" you see yourself now :D!!

Personally speaking, the teenage thingy is a very personal experience. I am more than twice your age, but I guess it's in the mind, and heart , that your age stays with you:) In some aspects, perhaps I'm an overgrown brat, still, but in yet others I project myself as that mature woman I'm alleged to be, lol!!

More: as a parent, reading this, the "mom", so to speak, I liked the way you expressed the way you handled the moment both of you inadvertently perhaps, watched the scene together. Happens all the time in many homes, and I know that as a parent, there are two extremes in reaction.. change the channel immediately/ ask the child to run an errand, lol.. or just carry on as if its the most natural thing in the world!! At our home, with both my children, it was the second approach, and now we actually hoot and boo the rather enthusiatic "..." scenes..:D!!! And they are both 20+, so it's more fun ... :d!

Now to the tetchy part. :) You write beautifully, the expressions, the notions flow very naturally, but as MIP has said earlier, perhaps you now need to tighten your narrative skill, with more proof reads, and checking out minor grammatical usage problems :) It would be a shame to see the writes lose out because of something so silly.

I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Will read part 2 later:)

Rajesh said...

@Usha
Yeah...a very interesting yopic to write...I dint know if it'll go well wit ppl...but seeing the response I'm getting, I'm glad...its nice 2 have u here...coz we are youth writing these write-ups and commenting but U,as a mom will have a different perspective and comment from a mom's point of view...thot shd have written more but since the title was abt ma teenage...i dint wanna elaborate much on that...

And yeah...as MIP said, gotta improve...and well...no time for proof-reads...ll surely look into it...narrative skills need to be tightened...well...thanks 4 the concern...thanks 4 ur appreciation...keep coming..