Monday, September 15, 2008

Tryst with teenage - Part 2

Before I start with the discussion, I would like to rewind myself 4 yrs back, the time I entered teenage with all worldly desires. I would like to look back at my own thoughts, how I perceived things then and how different are my perceptions today. What was my affinity to soft-porn and porno stuff ? Did I ever watch porn ? What influence peers had on me ? Whether my teenage was lived to the fullest ? How do I see myself as I leave the teenage world ? If ever I experienced eroticism ? If ever I experienced aestheticism ? How did I differentiate then ? Lots of questions remain unanswered. After answering and analyzing all these, I’ll draw conclusions. This topic certainly needs much time to jump to the right conclusions.

All written here is straight from my heart. People who get hurt when things are told blunt shall keep away and not read this part. Those willing to read with an open mind shall go ahead.

I remember, it was an April afternoon and as I was about to doze off, entered my cousin (5 yrs elder to me). I was upstairs and the rest of the family downstairs. He entered, switched on the TV and told me to tune in to FTV. This was, if I’m right, 8 years back when I was in class 8. I had no idea what it was and kept changing channels and once that channel was on, he enthusiastically told me ’An interesting channel da this one’. I was not-so-much bothered. He watched for a while and then left. When I think of his enthusiastic dialogue now, I guess he had told just to ensure, I get convinced that FTV was just like any other channel. After a few days, on a boring summer evening, I was reminded of this channel and switched it on. The show on air was ‘LINGERIE’. Maybe that was the time when I reached puberty and no wonder my eyes began looking to my left and right rather than straight at the TV. I made sure I was ready to change the channel if at all my parents give a sudden entry and my thumb impression was inscribed on the ‘NEXT PROGRAM’ button. I was so smart that I used to flick 2 channels so that even if my parents press the ‘PREVIOUS CHANNEL’ button, I would be safe. Hee...hee. I was clever, rather cunning. This continued for hardly a few weeks and I put a full stop to this practice to avoid seeing myself  in a mess. This was my first experience with eroticism. 

If FTV was what enthused boys at their early teens, it is pornography that rattles the hormones of all guys when they enter high school. That's the time when the testosterones are desperate for hyper-action. My experience with porno dates to that one and only day at my friend’s place when I watched Angelina Jolie’s sex scene in the film ‘Original Sin’. I had a horrendous time that evening as I pedaled my way back home from his place. A guilty feeling pervaded my heart and I felt, it was a SIN that I had committed. Never after that did I watch porno. The guilty feeling apart, I also found nothing enjoyable (unlike my friends) to be honest and the motion / activity on screen was disturbing. That was the only day I watched porno and till date, I’ve never visited a porn site. Even today I see most of my friends hooked on to porno and they’re addicted so much. I request if any of you guys reading this write-up could actually share with me your first feel at watching porno. I’m an exception here because I didn’t like it. It’s strange or rather I’m curious to know what actually describes that feeling best and this is where I'm pushed to believe in Pantheism and above all, in the omnipotence of God. I'm unable to justify this connection with God but my instinct drives me to relate them. As for peer influence on me, I’m glad to say, none of my friends forced me to give them company in watching such stuffs and even if they were to, I’m sure I wouldn’t have backtracked. I’m a person strong in my principles and do only things I feel is right for me.

Read the previous sentence again. There’s this peculiar me wherein I feel something is not wrong but when it comes to me doing it, I’m hesitant. Yes!!!! To me, watching porno or arousal of erotic feelings is not bad but somehow I’m not convinced to get myself involved. The reason is, the moment the very thought of watching porno strikes, my heart gets fenced with guilt and fear. It’s an instant feeling and I’m unable to act against my heart. It’s not mandatory that one should watch porno but watching it is no wrong in my opinion. It's part and parcel of everyone's life and one should get to know these things. Though I was averted to watching porn I made sure, I was aware of all porno terms. Guys are sometimes, looked at with contempt if they behave too naive and I agree, it's essential one doesn't see himself a stranger to the land of eroticism.

As I had stated in the previous post, there’s that thin, impenetrable blurring line separating aestheticism and eroticism. As far as I’m concerned, it depends from one person to another. Let me cite one example, the Tamil film Billa (2007) had a scene wherein the heroine Nayanthara , in most people's opinion, scorched the screen with a two-piece bikini and went gaga over it. But to me, neither aesthetic nor erotic feelings were aroused. The reasons for which, I don’t want to disclose and make this space more erotic with my descriptions. While the same Nayanthara in the film Vallavan succeeded in MISSION EROTICISM & AESTHETICISM. One example of eroticism is the song Jaadhu Hai Nasha (Jism). I know you're reminded of  the video... No, here, I refer to Shreya Ghoshal's rendering of that song. Wow!!! that was stunning. She sung at her SEDUCTIVE BEST. The best example I could cite for aestheticism would be a Rani Mukherjee or a Meg Ryan. It’s more of the skin that makes one get erotic. And that’s why I guess, a Namitha has huge fan following down south. I’m sorry to say, I just can’t watch her for more than a second and I still wonder how people watch her. And if there’re two ladies whose pictures I can watch on and on, it would be Meg Ryan and Shreya Ghoshal. The very look at their faces spell beauty. Meg Ryan is like wow!!!. Her cute smile with her eyes blossoming with sparkle really makes me go crazy and You've Got Mail (1998) showcased her beauty at its best. My not getting exposed to too much of their skin is, I believe, the only reason which make them arouse in me, the aesthetic feelings alone.

Eroticism, in my opinion is just like any other feeling which elevates a person to the next level of excitement. It’s a feeling to be respected and if there’s anyone trying to show that in poor light, my reply is ‘I’m sorry boss, you’ve got it all wrong’ I would like readers to answer this…What makes parents prevent their children from watching porno? Or rather why boys hide or shy away from parents while watching porno? Is the latter a result of the former? My question might look stupid to a few, but just give a serious thought about it and post your comments. It should end up an interesting discussion. Looking forward..

As I acknowledge my exit from the realms of teenage, I leave a happy man. I enjoyed, knew where my limits lied and stayed well within them (was never austere though). Thank God !!! I never got caught by parents for all wrong reasons unlike many of my friends who have witnessed all miseries. :)

This write-up demanded quite AN INTROSPECTION...must say

Next is my 25th post...time for SILVER JUBILEE celebrations and I dedicate it to all my readers and fellow blogger pals. Watch out for something really interesting. I owe you people, much and would like to extend my thanks well in advance. Thanks a lot !!!!


everything burns... said...

yay! m th frst to
oki so... well... first i found it a lil hard to believe that you never liked porn...coz well which guy doesn't but then i guess your idea of arousal is a shy girl who doesnt look like shes sleeping around with the whole world and i guess that's well justified... so good for you... you day you'd make some girl very happy by telling her that her man never lusted after the sensual screen heroines or jenna jameson types...

Rajesh said...

@Everything Burns..
Well...yeah....I believe in natural activities and not induced ones... hope u got my point.. :)

When I read urs, I'm reminded of one friend who told me that, I'm the sorta guy every girl will look for...hee..hee...u have told the same... thanks thanks..

And thats why, in my last post, I requested you not to jump to u liked this post??? I guess you've not answered few of the questions I had thrown..

Hope u r awaiting my 25th post :p

ani said...

well before u start wondering where am i.. here i am.. lol

well each person has got different things which makes them get excited.. sexually or non sexually.. certain characters or aspects .. thats why we are the way we are..

we all come from traditional back grounds..and to a certain extent our parents are getting broad minded.. but then at the same time .. they dont want us too get too much of levarage.. ( thts what they think .. with loads of comparisions with their childhood n stuff am sure all of u would have had tht ) coming back to the point.. thts why we end up feeling guilty for the way we felt.. or for we have seen be it accidently or anyway..

all of us are curious.. am sure even girls are also curious.. well i was.. but then at the same time.. i did have guilt to an extent.. once i realised its part of life.. it was easier to deal with it.. sometimes u have reactions when u see a person.. common all of us fantasize .. and all the wishful thinkingg..

now some ppl prefer namitha.. well some ppl prefer meg ryan.. well its their pick..

Rajesh said...

@Ani I said, its abt perceptions...depends as u said..and as u also rightly pointed out....with time, these guilty feelings get away and we take it as part of life which was what I did last week while watching that movie scene with mom..

Anyways watch out for my 25th post :)

Anu said...

Well, I got to read both your posts at once..:)! I have to say that erotism is a state of mind. We really dont have to follow the heard to uncover what we think is sexy or beautiful. Also I think its a good idea to keep kids within a moral boundary when it comes to erotism, because there is a time and a age to learn everything,Expose these subjects too soon and the child will get addicted and worse think its part of daily life to see half naked men and woman around.
Sometimes, its better to be a awakening like in your case, then a constant reminder. Though I have to say I support parents talking to their kids when they reach the right age, because nowdays it seems we are surrounded by these images alone

Express said...

oh! errrmm...yes.

nicely cited experiences. And no, its nothing wrong 2 not like porn, I know of ppl who puked after seeing it 4 the 1st u r much better :-D

Parents kids and erotic stuff.. hmm..
Quoting myself 4m the reply of the prev. post. 'depends on the rapport children share with their parents'. It is no-one's fault though.
Parents r protective. and nothing wrong with that.considering the orthodox nature of our society and 1000s of stereotypes involved, can't bla me any1.

also, the guilty factor amongst the kids..maybe they think parents will over-react and get alarmed n all?

and even u wud agree,
somethings r fun only when done under-wraps :-P


Rajesh said...

A state of mind...well...yeah...that was a better way to put for distinguish b/w sexy n beautiful..i neva said one has to go by his heart...its a natural feeling...i talked abt the HEART stuff for my watching porno..and ya...exposure to such things is very much needed to learn everything...but as u said, its better one doesn't get addicted and in today's world, ppl r exposed to images of half-naked man or woman alone...but then...ITS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER :)

Rajesh said...

yeah...the rapport is required but children don expect such a thing when they watch porno at mid teens..on most occasions, I've found guys guilty of that...they feel they can expect that after teenage...say someone like me...expecting the same at this age...but what strikes me is... WHAT MAKES US FEEL GUILTY???? :)

And yeah...somethings are fun when they're done under-wraps provided U R NOT CAUGHT ON THE WRONG END :p

enchanted illusionz said...

not evryday do u get to read de mind of a boy...
as 4 nt bein excited wit porn...its ok i guess, i jus watched it 4 de 1st time a few weeks bak..wsnt repulsed or attracted to it, certainly ws vry educative. lol!
but doesn turn me on either , coz 4 me , i need 2 fall n love wit de person he is , b4 ders lust 4 de body.
as to guilt? err..din hv any.
y shld u ?

Rajesh said...

Oh!! u watched after reading my first part??? was it so??? how was the experience??? u pl have to reply to this..

and ya i agree wit shud b fall in love with the person SHE is, b4 there's lust 4 de body...i agree on this...tats wat i too opine

as for thr guilt, it was what i had 5 yrs back wen i watched in my 11th std...and FTV was in those were days too early to distinguish b/w things....n thats wat i'm askin readers....can u tel me wat exactly makes one guilty???? get ma point???

durgashankar said...

well,well,well now ur one f jus 2 ppl ve met in life who does'nt watch porn..the other 1 is adi...

the guilt factor s a kid's phenomenon coz later it fades away 2 pure lust..

frankly am surprised at ur though i understand it i can defnetly not relate 2 it..if ur really like tht i think even Jesus Christ wud bow before ya..

parental 'GUIDANCE' s necessary an not 'PROHIBITION'...coz as far as i know most indians do exactly wat they r tol not strict regulation wil only fire back..

wid al respect 2 ghoshal an ryan, remember tht they mearly portray themselves tht way on screen...God knows huw horny they r 'off screen' offence..coz a lot of ppl ve cum across act pious in front of ppl but lead diff lives away frm d public eye

the bottomline s 'watch porn,stay 'uncaught' an enjoy life'..btw my fav pornstar s carmen luvanna..anybody for her?

Rajesh said...

Well...I accept wit that phrase 'PARENTAL GUIDANCE' and not PROHIBITION...that was well said.. and well I don wanna Jesus to bow.. m what I'm and somehow it doesn't look good to watch...i somehow averted to it

Well...almost all gals in the world look horny in the eyes of men when they strip off... i never meant to say that those 2 women always act well covered...if I'm right, I read in wikipedia that Meg Ryan acted nude in one of her films in 2001.. jus check out...not sure...

I said, since I've never watched them that way, I felt they arouse in me only aesthetic it right???

durgashankar said...

dude i know wat u meant...
if the din 'PORTRAY' themselves tht way u wudnt ve ad 'aesthetic' feelings...

i got ur point...jus sayin tht ppl r not wat they seem...

Prashant Sree said...

Erotism is a state of mind.,. It varies from person to person. As someone has commented , Parental control is necessary for sharing certain things with the Childrens.,. After sometime, one gets to know its a facet of life.,.

Yet, peer circle and family environment plays an important role in moulding the attitude.,. I appreciate your attitude of being firm in your principles.,.

A different genre post ! Keep it up.,. And Advance congratulations on your 25th Post !!

Keep Going on.


Rajesh said...

@Prashanth Sree's a post of a different genre and m glad that I could finish it off pretty well..yup..m firm in my principle :)

Thanks for your wudn't have been done w/o the support of ppl like u...thanks buddy

Divya said...

you never liked porn??? err... that's hard to believe from a guy.. honestly!

as to why children are forbidden from watching porn, well.. i think its perfectly fair. for one, they can be exempted from the complexities of human nature for a while, and they probably wouldn't conceive it in the mature way.. i mean porn itself is a derogatory term isn't it? there's an age and time for everything.. the question is.. yeah well... it's got kinda too obvious an answer, like say, why is child marriage illegal? you got to get married anyway! i mean, that's stupid..that wouldn't get an answer then would it?

Rajesh said...

@Divya interesting I go..

Well...agreed to the fact that there's an age to watch porn...could u elaborate furthermore and say wat exactly THAT AGE is...and well...the discussion is not whether pornography is derogatory...I'm talking abt watching the same..

Well...I don find it insulting...its another sense of excitement....Just imagine this situation....u coming back from school/college, a tired girl...ur dad welcomes u with a CORNETTO..jus tell me how u ll feel for THAT MOMENT...thats the amount of excitement watching porn gives foer teenagers...and I agree, its all abt perceptions..

Ur child marriage part is agreed, AGE is definitely a parameter...but I wud b glad to know wat exactly that age is..

Still thinking said...

Hmmm, just wanna say that the scene in 'original sin' movie definitely cannot be termed as porn - it is purely an erotic scene. Porn is something different altogether. Again, this is completely a personal choice - if one wanna watch it, it is fine, if not, it is still fine. There is no good or bad here. As Oscar Wilde says 'Moderation is fatal.Nothing succeeds like excess' but in this case excess is nothing but fatal (remember Micheal Douglas! :D) - Sorry to get tangent.

What I wud like to say is that things in life unravel and and are experienced as and when one feels like it and is ready to experience it - c'est tout!

P.S: I'm really surprised to read that you don't like watching porn :p

Rajesh said...

C'est tout!!! I liked the french part..well...well...That Original Sin was it a porno or an erotic scene, the end-product, that is the feeling the viewer gets is EROTICISM...and thats wat is relevant here...and

Yeah...I don like watching porno...but I never said I'mm averse to erotic feelings...many 've got it wrong here.. :)

well...yeah...nothing succeeds like do u say,but in this case excess is nothing but fatal.. cud u pl elaborate???

Amrita said...

An interesting channel da this one haha this was too funny
i am really pleased to kno ur tastes in aestheticism :)
when i tell mmy guy frns cmon i find intelligent men and women more attractive than the steroid driven ones.. the static reply i get is
CMONNN!!! u can SEE brains! Hmpf! :|

Shruti said...

well parents restrict teenagers from watching "porn" because according to them there is an age at which children should know "erotic" either they fail to decide the age or they simply don't want to discuss it with their children...
so teenagers end up watching porn secretively...which is wrong because they're exposing themselves at a vulnerable age...its not that they don't understand such stuff but they just turn a blind eye towards it...and end up "enjoying" the erotic pleasures...

parents feel embarrassed to talk about such issues with teenagers which is why they are left curious...well, my mom talked to me about such things at length when i turned fifteen...and even though i was a bit hesitant then, but now i know what is wrong and what is parents should be a little more accommodating as far as these issues are concerned...

my mom made me read mills and boon and Danielle Steel at the age of fifteen..not because she was taking away my innocence..but because she wanted me to know about these things...and she was assured that I knew the correct things..because she told me and not my peer group...

interesting post..
updated my blog as well

Rajesh said...

@Amrita tastes in aestheticism maybe interesting...well...yeah.. SHREYA is Ryan..
and i don understand ur second point..

Rajesh said...

That was quite a comment...

Well...Divya had posted a similar one and tried to substantiate saying thats not THE AGE to watch but both of u have failed to say wat exactly, in ur opinion that AGE is..

And yeah...Ur mom was actually too good in speaking to u abt these...and it shows in ur 18, u have been mature to post such a comment... Thank Ur mom for having been so supportive and educating u on these topics...that's nice...

Preeti said...

If there was ever a guy who claims he he never watched porn, then he's the biggest liar far as iv known watchin porn is almost a pre-requisite to bein a guy...likin it or not is an entirely different issue...there's no rite or wrong to it...cuz if u ask me, it is purely physical...there maybe a guy who looks at a fully clothed girl and yet gets aroused...while another needs a bit of nudity to help him... (i know im bein blatant-er than u!) itz purely satisfyin physical needs durin teens...after a while guys get bored of it...that's the more maturer phase...BUT te ones who remain addicted even then must be watched out for...avanga dan konjam loosu...indha bus-la idikara types :D

All in all nee oru nalla payyan nu prove panite...lot of girls would be impressed now :D

Rajesh said...

Well...I never claim myself to be a NALLAVAN...infact u know what??? there's 1 humorous conversation b/w 2 of ma frenz as to who is a NALLAVAN...after reading ur comment, i'm reminded of :)

Well..impressing gals is not actually my aim here...just wanted to rewind myself back to those days and just c how ma perceptions have changed..

and well...i never said i dint watch porn....watched once but never had so much inclination..and i never said I NEVER EXPREIENCED EROTICIASM...watching porn is not the only means of that arousal...and yeah...some girls, in college, one look will b enough to make my hormones fluttering....the guilt that was there at early teens continued for a while, and somehow never watched..

Bus-la idikara types are deprived of these stuffs, in ma opinion and are ppl not worth discussing here

Well...for ur first line...don consider me one in that list..I've always been true and frank in my blog space and u ve been here for quite a while...and so BELIEVE ME

nikkita said...

blog updated
check it out!!

Akshaya Kamalnath said...

first of all I appreciate the fact that the post was so honestly written. The fact that you never like porn is pretty cool considering most guys turn to it at one point or the other...and proudly say they're hooked to it too. Its nice to know that you could decide for yourself at that age itself. And the Part I of tryst with teenage is also very honest, I must say.

Preetilata【ツ】 said...

i just loved the way u hv writtn it. the honesty with which u hv written it is so class apart. keep it up.

its really a rare case that u r not in eroticism n pornography.

all that u hv told abt changing channels is true n m sure evry one can relate to it.

honestly d question that u hv asked is a difficult one. parents prevents thm n boys hide from them. may be because of shame, guilt, fear. culture n tradition also plays a key role. but thn agn d question arises why to feel guilty? why d fear n shame? ... need to think deeply.

kp penning. u hv great potentials.

take care
:) :) :)

Me Mini Mini Mouse said...

A guy who dosn like porn!!!!!!

Uh Oh... nvr hrd this bfr... I SWER


Good fun post :)

Rajesh said...

Welcome to my blog...I've always been honest to my blog the sense, very frank in my account of my INTROSPECTIONS...

Yeah...its about perceptions..thou i don support the portrayal of porno in bad light, i dint like watching the same :)

Keep coming...

Rajesh said...

I guess u r here after a loooong time...well...what happened??? anyways glad tat u cud make it now atleast...

Yeah...its a rare case to c someone not watchin porno but i never denied abt the arousal of erotic feelings..

Thanks for acknowledging the fact, i possess in me, great potentials.. glad!!! thanks a lot

Rajesh said...

@Me Mini Mouse post is it??? Maybe!!!

Gauri Mathur said...

Some mature thoughts are flashing..hmmm:-)

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